I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
