You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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