im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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