well I can't set my house on fire every night
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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