Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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