I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
