my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
