she looked like the before picture.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My vagina just recognized that song.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize