pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
