I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
