just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
