Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
