I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
