So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
