Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
