What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need moral support for this bender
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
