You smell like stripper and shame
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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