I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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