he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
