Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
