Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
