I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
