My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and she was petting her beer can
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
