nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
