My nipple is on Facebook.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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