He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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