He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
