I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
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