I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
