Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
