I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
