According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
if only i could text you this smell
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
