my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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