it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
