Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
