imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize