he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
