Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize