if you like me you must not know who I am
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
