That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
