just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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