finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
