Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
