I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
