on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I got inside last night via doggy door
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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