How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
