What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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