I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
