i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
