He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
