He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
