Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
