The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
