Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just pee around me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
