I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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