I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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