I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
