What did we do last night that was yellow?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
