I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
