I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
