Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
