I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
