And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize