i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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