Your face is a jimmy john
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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