shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Enjoy the penises
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
