You're my little dorito
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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