I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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