I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
