its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dick very happy bro
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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