Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize