I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
