she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
