You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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